


Before You Go

by sleepyhyo



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Falling In Love, First Dates, Funerals, Hand Jobs, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Undertaker Seungjoon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27259525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyhyo/pseuds/sleepyhyo
Summary: Seungjoon's life was constantly surrounded in death and it was death who was like his lover. Death who flirted with him and tricked him into never leaving.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjoon | J-Us
Comments: 17
Kudos: 25





	1. Good Evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture this encapsulated in the aura of a live action Tim Burton film.

Reality was, objectively, a terrifying place riddled with maleficent deeds lurking around every corner. Seungjoon was just another negative person among this wicked and twisted world for his mind was constantly filled with dread. That’s how he described it. He was, to say the definition of pessimism but it’s not a trait that he asked for. Since his childhood he’s seen much heartache and turmoil. Those factors most likely made him into the man he is today. For a brief period in time he talked to a therapist, who would always say his awareness of his problems was beneficial. That was definitely a lie. A man who is fearful and timid, a man who is reserved and resentful. He tried to put on a smile though. One that was often revered as a crooked one more often than not. It was probably that way due to this anxiety that seemed to flow throughout his whole body like it was being injected into his bloodstream. A disease of the mind, as his mother called it. He was not his problems and his problems were not him. That’s what he told himself. Something that actually stuck from those terrible sessions. Each and every day as he walked down the steps of his apartment only to go and enter his office in that godforsaken building. With an honest heart, Seungjoon didn't really detest his job so but there was no way out of it. Being stuck was annoying. It was attached to his family name. A family business. Honestly that name was all he had and without it he’d probably be nothing, another unfortunate soul cold in the streets of this bleak town.

Undertaking, it was a learned practice and he did it well. That much was a good thing to see the looks on others faces when he gave them a feeling like finding a candle in a dark, long corridor. As a boy his parents forced tools into his hands and flooded his mind with papers of funeral proposals from the moment he could stand on his own two feet well enough. All of the bodies, they never were something he took excitement seeing. Of course any normal person wouldn’t enjoy constantly seeing death that was why it was a job only some people could do. Even with a loathing of the atmosphere he had to do well with it all. 

As of now his age is 25 and that was fairly old to be in the position of life he was in. His parents also were still quite overbearing especially now in their old state. To marry or have kids was not a thing that crossed his mind. Not one person ever caught his attention long enough not to be able to handle the stress that came with courting. All he needed was what he already had, that was enough to handle as it was. Also, there was a hole in his heart. That’s what it felt like. It was the kind of hole that only came from a heartbreak that never healed but he had no way of knowing no way of telling. It couldn’t have been too important if he had no memory of it and that’s how he left it.

Today subsequently is a bright and clear day with an empty sky. No matter if it was raining or shining, Seungjoon always carried an umbrella high above his head. Rarely was the town looking so lively either. He tried to let it all affect him in a positive way. Holding on to as much positivity as he could would do him well. He’d need it today. Reaching the tall oak door Seungjoon pulls out his key ring searching for one specific one with a clover pattern on top. Pushing it into the lock he turns it and the distinct click noise sounds. Pulling the knob he’s confused as it is now locked. The door was already open when he’d arrived apparently but how could that be? Twisting it again to the opposite side, listening for a click once again Seungjoon opens the door hastily. His palm feels sweaty. How was the door open? Why was it open? Was a serial maniac awaiting him inside seeking a vulnerable subject? Using his umbrella he taps the door once then twice to push it open slowly before going inside. There is nobody there from what he can see. Stepping slowly over the threshold his eyes dart around quickly making him feel dizzy. Turning on the lights he doesn’t see anyone. Seungjoon breathes out a sigh of relief. Turning to close the door he chuckles to himself over his paranoia. 

A hand taps his shoulder and he freezes. Ever slowly he turns his head to see who is there. Behind him is a man with a strange, very strange appearance. His hair is a bright red and it frames his face well but it’s obviously not natural in color. He wears glasses yet they don’t appear to be prescription but he couldn’t tell for sure just from this. His clothes drape over his body perfectly, they're fully black looking quite expensive and intricate. He’s also pretty. Or is it not appropriate to think this? Handsome? Way too eccentric to be from this area that’s for sure.

“Why are you here?” He demands.

The man furrows his eyebrows and Seungjoon prays he understands him.

He clears his throat, trying again, “Who are you? Do you have business with me?”

“That depends. Are you the owner of this place?”

“Well, that is true.”

“Wonderful! My name is Hyojin. Kim Hyojin.” 

He reaches out his hand and Seungjoon takes it, shaking it.

“I’m Lee Seungjoon though I assume you must know that.”

Hyojin, laughs at him. “Of course except I was not expecting someone so rude.”

Seungjoon fidgets feeling guilty. 

“Do take my apology. I was startled by your presence.”

“It’s fine. I am the intruder after all.”

“Right so what brings you here?”

Seungjoon extends his hand to move over to sit. Once seated Hyojin brings his finger under his chin, drowning them in silence. 

Hyojin whispers, “You’re an undertaker.”

Seungjoon coughs feeling strange. “I prefer the term funeral director actually.” 

“But that sounds so bleak does it not? Undertaker sounds much more exciting.”

Seungjoon pauses. What an odd thing that was to say.

“I, I suppose it does.”

“I might as well explain why I am here. I’d like to take an apprenticeship.”

“I’m not sur—“

“I understand if you’d rather not but I only ask…there on the desk I left everything you’d need to know”

“Ah but—“  
His thought interrupted again, Hyojin stands before nodding to him and leaving just as the wind. 

Rubbing his neck he feels lost. What a weird occurrence that was. He’ll move on from it as he did with everything. Standing, Seungjoon looked towards his desk and just as Mr. Kin had said was a stack of papers. An envelope sat atop them and he caressed it with his fingers before picking it up. It was perfectly sealed with a way that looked to be the exact shade as the sender’s hair. Examining the stamp marking, it was two deer horns. He’d hoped that looking at the seal would’ve given an insight to that man but apparently he’s mistaken. That symbol was just as mysterious and confusing as he. 

He thinks to himself for a second while sitting behind his desk, ‘I didn’t even ask how he got in.’ 

Staring at the letter in his hands Seungjoon feels conflicted. It is true that all of the credentials per-say were there but he was not fit to be a mentor, how would his family react to him allowing someone else to roam around here? He’d have to decline this offer with resilience. Mr. Kim did not seem like one who would give up so easily and that was a problem. His best bet is to call him over the phone but was now too early? Shouldn’t you wait a day after an interview or even a week. It wasn’t an interview though so it should be fine. Better to end it all early instead of giving false hope to the poor fellow. Checking his watch Seungjoon hums to himself. Thirty minutes should be enough time to wait. Shifting around in his chair he is restless, his legs bouncing with unease. Everything was quiet, much too quiet. He could always tell when it would not be a busy day. Nobody in their right mind would jump for joy at the sight of death but having an empty building was no more as fun for him. 

One minute, he counts all the way to five. It's been longer since he started counting how much time was really left? The clock was ticking and it sounded loud even from across the room. The tic, tic, made him pull on his hair. He couldn’t wait any longer. 

Seungjoon rises from his seat frantically. His chair scoots back from the force wood dragging against each other and scratching harshly. Embarrassed, he clears his throat and leans on the wall. He removes one of his gloves, grabbing the phone he calls the number, anticipating. It's answered right away. There’s silence on both ends he can’t even hear breathing from the other side. Seungjoon’s skin crawls like spiders under his skin making him scratch his ankle with his foot. His breathing probably sounds ragged from his beating heart. He has half a mind to hang up now. 

“I’m glad to hear from you so soon.” comes a voice. 

“Right. So. You see.” Seungjoon bites his lip. The words are not coming. It’s indicative of his stance. Always the obvious person.

“Calling to turn me down I presume?” 

That makes him tense up. How does he know?

“Yes I apologize it’s just not the best time.”

The tone of hurt is so evident in Mr. Kim’s voice. “This saddens me...but if that’s your choice I will respect it. Goodbye.”

It eats him whole. 

“Wait!” I mean don’t hang up. Please.”

A dead silence seeps in again and Seungjoon breaks it quickly. 

“Give me some time to prepare things and I’ll decide.”

What was he saying?

“I’m so glad you changed your mind.” 

“Right so I’ll meet you again here in three days if that works?”

“It does. Thank you Mr. Lee.”

The conversation ends just like this. Seungjoon rubs his neck once again. He’d never get used to hearing Mr. Lee.Two days and two nights, that is how long it was until they met again. On this third morning Seungjoon wakes with a heavy weight on him. While following his parents direction it was never an easy task to learn but it was like a part of him. His job was his family in a way. So, trying to show someone what he has feels like an impossible feat. He’s already promised so there’s no going back.

Entering his office he checks his schedule, Mr. Kim comes in quite soon and he has to run to ‘meet the body.’ How did the times end up being so close? 

Seungjoon stands in thought. ‘Perhaps it will be fine to bring him along.’

A knocking sounds on the door. Going over to it he holds his hand on the doorknob. He doesn’t have to look out to know who is there. Was he really ready to do this? Opening the door his eyes meet another. Mr. Kim is dressed in all white like and it contrasts against that striking hair of his. He is dressed quite extravagantly to be doing what they are today. Seungjoon suddenly feels self conscious only in his button up and suit pants.


	2. Just One Day

Two days and two nights, that is how long it was until they met again. On this third morning Seungjoon wakes with a heavy weight on him now. While following his parents direction it was never easy to learn any task but it was like a part of him. He can’t remember not knowing. His job was his family in a way. So, trying to show someone what he has feels like an impossible feat. He’s already promised so there’s no going back.

Entering his office he checks his schedule, Mr. Kim comes in quite soon and he has to run to ‘meet the body.’ How did the times end up being so close? 

Seungjoon stands in thought. ‘Perhaps it will be fine to bring him along.’

A knocking sounds on the door. Going over to it he holds his hand on the doorknob. He doesn’t have to look out to know who is there. Was he really ready to do this? Opening the door his eyes meet another. Mr. Kim is dressed in all white like and it contrasts against that striking hair of his. He is dressed quite extravagantly to be doing what they are today. Seungjoon suddenly feels self conscious only in his button up and suit pants. 

“Wonderful to see you again so soon.” 

“Yes, indeed Mr. Kim I’m glad to have you.”

He scoffs, “There’s no need to be so formal with me. Just call me Hyojin.”

“Alright. Well, you can call me Seungjoon then. Honestly I hate Mr. Lee.” 

Hyojin smiles faintly, staring him down with fever; it makes him shift his weight on his legs from one side to the other. Yet he can’t get away from those eyes. 

“Ok,  _ Seungjoon.  _ What do you have planned for me today? I’m quite the eager learner.”

“Today I have a meeting at the morgue. You get the pleasure of seeing all the gruesome details one your first day.” 

Seungjoon laughs but it wasn’t really funny. It all felt more bitter but Hyojin doesn’t seem to waver. In fact he look, excited. 

The hospital was not far from where they were. It was only a walk up the street to get there from the Directory. Seungjoon takes his umbrella from the rack and steps out nexts to Hyojin. He leans it against the wall and takes out his gloves. He pulls them on and raises his umbrella above his head opening it. This was a normal routine but he’d forgotten he was being observed. Looking to the right Hyojin has an unreadable expression. 

“Do you take that everywhere?” Hyojin asks. 

Seungjoon only nods feeling drained of conversation already. For a second he begins to walk but stops. The umbrella is fairly large in size. Hesitantly he moves it over the both of them. Hyojin walks closer to him uttering a thanks, and his presence was of a warm person. Yet, he seemed to lack body heat and this confuses him. That icy aura together with the heat, it sends a chill up his spine.

  
  


Entering the hospital the nurses at the desk greet him already expecting his arrival. Skeptically they leer at this stranger next to him. In front of the morgue he sends Hyojin inside before him. Seungjoon shoos away the nosy eyes lingering around. He couldn’t blame them though. He was never seen with anyone else here besides his clients or on certain occasions his father. Sighing Seungjoon turns and pushes the swinging doors. Looking around he finds Hyojin squatting near one of the cabinets. He wonders what he's feeling right now. No matter how many bodies he saw there were times he would have a queasiness or wake of all kinds of emotions. Not a good trait to have.

Hyojin gets off the ground and comes over to him. 

Seungjoon clears his throat to catch his attention. “If you’re looking for our subject he’s already laid out for us. Over, there.” 

Seungjoon points to a table cloaked in white. Hyojin gets off the ground coming over to the table. Seungjoon removes his gloves and goes to wash his hands. He trades for some surgical gloves instead slipping on an apron. Lastly, fixing goggles and masks on his face. 

“You should get dressed as I am as well.”

Hyojin nods and follows along. Seungjoon begins his exam always pulling the sheet back stopping just at the collarbones laying it neatly and flat. The woman on the table is named Cassia. Another person not originally from around the area. She’d only been living in Saint Medry for six years and here she rests. People around here tend to die in heart wrenching ways. There were countless rumors and fables but that’s all they were. Seungjoon did not believe in those things and others would become surprised. What you can feel is what’s there and that’s all their will ever be. In death it was his job to help the ones who cannot do it anymore. 

The nurses have left all of his tools ready for him thankfully. 

“Today, is different. Usually I do everything if I can, including transporting these people to my building. She was already embalmed so there’s only the matter of dressing her and everything else will come over the week.” 

Hyojin’s face is covered but from the turning of his eyebrows he can tell he’s upset. 

“I’m sad I won’t see it….”

“There’s…always another time. I don’t want you to go through that on your first day.”

“Oh? You thought of me didn’t you Seungjoon? How, sweet.” Levity hanging off his words. 

Seungjoon’s hand comes up to his neck rubbing. His throat suddenly feels dry.

“I have to of course you’re my apprentice. Anyways, let’s start.”

He went over a few drafts earlier. Cassia already had left certain things for what she wanted in her passing, but she had no family listed. There were people in the town who would be attending the funeral but they couldn’t have much say in any of the legal matters. Purple was a color that he thought suited her well. Pulling over a rack he unzips one of the clothes bags. A garment he’d been most proud of. Seungjoon always altered and designed the clothes as well as the funeral itself. It was one thing that he actually enjoyed doing. He removes the cloth from her body and checks if everything is ok with her. Hyojin follows everything he does with his eyes. His face looks to be deep in concentration. ‘That expression looks nice on him.’ He thinks to himself. Shaking his head Seungjoon piece by piece examines the clothes and fixes them on her body. Hyojin comes over and touches the brooch upon her bosom, it’s created to look sort of like a pincushion like a flower. 

“Did you design that yourself?” 

“I did.”

Hyojin eyes him with a soft sort of something behind in his gaze. 

“I can tell. It’s all so beautiful…some people don’t care that much…about what the dead I mean.” His tone turns morose. Seungjoon thinks that doesn’t suit him at all. 

“Well…it’s my job to make them look pretty I presume…”

“Do you think I would be pretty?”

Seungjoon tenses feeling confused. “Pardon?” 

“As a corpse I mean.” 

Seungjoon doesn’t know how to reply to that. What and odd question to ask. Yet when the image crosses his mind, he does believe with his whole heart that Hyojin would look ethereal even lying among the fabric of a coffin. Was that a sick sentiment to have? He never considered the situation in this way but, Hyojin’s body laid still and empty dressed up by his hands. In a twisted way it seemed sort of, romantic. Romantic? Maybe, he was losing it. 

He answers still with certainty, “I do believe it. You’d be gorgeous.”

Hyojin laughs, eyes creasing, “I’m so pleased to hear that. I hope you’d dress me in the finest garments then.”

“Yes. Yes I would,” Seungjoon feels a comfort he’s never had before, “Ah. I fear you’d come from the grave and haunt me if I didn’t.”

It’s silent and he starts to fear that statement didn’t go over well. But Hyojin looks at him dead in the eyes with a weird smothering look. 

“Perhaps so.” He laughs and turns away. 

  
  


Hyojin helps him with the rest of the preparations for the day and things go smoothly. Having someone to share the task with was better than he assumed even if he didn’t really let Hyojin do much of the heavy lifting. He was indeed only his apprentice and he wasn’t being paid for being here. Seungjoon gasps quietly. Hyojin is getting ready to leave. 

“I must pay you for your help today.”

Hyojin frowns at this and waves his hand dismissing that. 

“I'm an apprentice Seungjoon. I do not require payment nor do I want it, this is all I asked for.”

“I feel bad not paying you. Do you…live around here now?”

“…I guess. I’m close…but I am fine I don’t need your money.”

“Oh, I was not trying to offend you.” Seungjoon looks down at his feet.

“You didn’t. Listen, if you really feel worried over it then simply pay me in your time.”

“What? How? What do you mean?”

Hyojin is already halfway out the door before he speaks again. “See you tomorrow then. Boss.”

That probably won’t be the last time Hyojin disappears leaving him hanging. A sort of presentiment settles in Seungjoon’s mind.    
  
  
  



	3. A Kiss To Remember

On the third day they meet it’s in the place where the you go to find the thing that holds some us in the end of it all. A vast section of caskets and coffins alike decorate the room including the walls. There lies the memories of many shed tears. This decision was usually a hard one to stomach for any people. The death becomes real, the denial becomes clear. You’re really never going to see whoever it may be again standing before you in the flesh. Even worse you must choose the place where their body will rest for a seemed eternity. Seungjoon had built or helped decide on the idea of some models in the shop but most were made by a professionals in its craft. His hand slid along the smooth wood of the one they’d be using that day. It’s dark like the coloration of a cherry. The type that always happens to stain your hands with the juice. Hyojin watched him closely as he inspected the casket to make sure everything was alright. Whilst looking at one on the far right wall that was patterned in intricate thorny vines he heard Hyojin mumble to himself but only the last part did he catch, ‘…to be buried in a coffin this beautiful how lucky I…’ but he never finished that thought. At least it not out loud. Probably it was not a thought to be said in the open, anyways. He’d been quiet the whole time after that. Eerily, so. There were a few moments when his demeanor would slip to something else something grim, like he was hurting. Seungjoon thought maybe they were the same but Hyojin enjoyed every minute spent in these areas, watching him work, helping him work, and the whole stories of macabre. What was that pain that he hid he wanted to know but he wouldn’t ask. It was too personal and when he tried to see deeper behind those eyes Hyojin would pull away every time. Seungjoon told him of the shop and its creations at that moment. It caught his attention and his body showed immediate interest and attentiveness.

Together, they’d wheeled the casket out to the truck and gotten on with the final preparations.

A week slowly passes by them as they dance around each other. Even with every little thing that crawls out of Hyojin he hasn’t figured him out at all. All he knows are simple things like his age or the drink he preferred most. Which was not coffee he figured out with an earful. He won’t reveal anything that gives him any real insight to his background. Seungjoon should probably be more afraid but he’s not. He enjoys the company that Hyojin brings. They were like clashing forces that dulled against each other. Water meeting fire and turning to smoke in the air. It was easy to talk to him. Like they’ve been knowing each other for years on end. Hyojin was also intelligent as well as eloquent. Seungjoon struggled a lot with speaking to clients even before he came along. Empathy was not something he had none of but comfort and expressing that understanding didn’t work. He was always stuck in business mode. Rigid and cold. That’s what they saw from him. Watching Hyojin interact with other people was like he was always thinking of all possible outcomes. He always chose the right one too. Only four days into a week and Seungjoon saw all this. He was supposed to be the teacher yet he was observing so much of his own student. It was terribly backwards in that sense but they got through.

It’s a dark sky filled with heavy nimbus clouds.  _ `The perfect weather for a funeral.’  _ Seungjoon was going to stick around to make sure if things went well but it wasn’t at his own choice, the friends of the deceased had asked him to do it. He was not so opposed to it but creating the scene for funerals was not the same as going to them. He drags his feet across the wet concrete ground wanting to turn and leave. Across in the middle of the cemetery he sees Hyojin standing in the middle of everything near the pastor. There are those standing around under the rain with their heads covered but not him. Seungjoon had offered an umbrella to him but he declined and ran off so quickly. Hyojin was, as he learned, a non stopping force of nature. He’d sent him to go prepare for him and he appears to have everything under control. Maybe, Seungjoon was abusing his power a bit. More and more he was having Hyojin stand in for him to hide and collect his thoughts and that was so petulant of him to do. 

Stepping up from the street to the grass his vision grows more clear of what’s approaching. It’s like a painting. Everyone cloaked in black with solemn faces and the pastor’s bible open as he reads over the burial site. Except then a figure that sticks out so well. Bright red colliding against the dark scene and a contempt smile adorning that person’s face. He’s soaked down to the bone under the rain but he doesn’t move, doesn’t shiver like he’s cold. And the hair falling flat against his head or the water ruining his expensive garments does not seem to bother him. Not one bit. There is not a sign of distraught but only a calming fiery aura that shines so bright.  _ “Seungjoon….Seungjoon?” _

His head moves up. He’s made it over to them without realizing it. 

“Are you alright? You seemed to be deep in thought…”

Seungjoon coughs and fixes his tie. 

“I’m fine just. Tired.”

Hyojin gives him a knowing look. With no filter at all one day he’d told Seungjoon that he was, ‘a terrible liar.’ The pastor is closing things up and shaking the hands of one of the women he knows to have been a close friend to miss Cassia. Well, he assumed so since he’d seen them together a lot. A whisper pours into his ears then.

“Come. I will show you something nice to ease your nerves.” 

Soft fingers slide across the palm of his hand moving not too fast or too slow. Waiting to see if it’s ok to hold on. Seungjoon intertwines their fingers promptly. It felt inappropriate to do but he didn’t want to let go. Tugging gently he led across the grass. 

“Clothes your eyes…” Hyojin mutters. 

Everything is darkness and he has no idea where they’re going. Excitement stirs in his stomach. They come to a stop suddenly and his hand is left empty. He can’t feel Hyojin’s presence anymore but he doesn’t panic, he won’t panic. 

Something wet and light is placed in his hands. It feels like a plant. Opening his eyes he seems a flower. A petunia. Very odd. 

“Why are you giving this to me?” 

Hyojin shyly looks away from him. “I walked around this way and found some growing but only in this spot. I thought you liked flowers...” 

“I do...thank you.”

They stare at each other and the only sound is the rain beating against the top of his umbrella. Hyojin looks away again and crouches.

“Take a closer look!” 

Seungjoon obeys him and crouches as well, it’s uncomfortable but he bears it. Hyojin speaks but he doesn’t listen. Words flow in one ear and out of his other becoming muddled and numb in his head. He’s so drenched from the rain, never has Seungjoon seen someone look so peaceful in the rain like this. Like the sky was bending to his will and the atmosphere was made for him and him alone. 

Mind elsewhere he thinks out loud, “You're getting wet.”

Hyojin raises his eyebrows in amusement at this. He smiles another of those smiles that reaches his eyes. Seungjoon moves the umbrella to cover them both but Hyojin stops him.

“I love the way it feels. Have you ever stood out and felt the rain before Seungjoon?”

He shakes his head to say no. Maybe when he were younger there was a time he’d played in puddles and basked in rainfall but he can’t remember if so. Hyojin’s fingers walk up his gloved hand and on the handle. Pulling it away Seungjoon allows him to take it from him. It’s discarded to the side on the ground. Almost instantly the rainfall washes over him and droplets drip from his hair into his eyes. He blinks them away. Its cooling and calm. For once Seungjoon smiles. Just a little. Setting on his knees Hyojin takes his flower away and holds it up to him. His pants are obviously getting dirty but he just slides the flower behind Seungjoon’s ear, looking so pleased. So beautiful. 

“I like the color white...someone once told me it suited me well. Though white isn’t really a color...I think it looks lovely on you too.” 

Something stirs in his chest and he almost grabs at it but restrains it. Seungjoon lifts Hyojin’s hand and just holds it there. Contemplating. A clashing of two once again and then they collide head on. He’s not sure who moves first but he doesn’t care. They kiss like it were the last time they’ll meet. Seungjoon pulls Hyojin close and they lay among the flowers behind someone’s crypt. His hand slides up Hyojin’s side. On his lips he can taste the sky. He licks into his mouth and Hyojin bites him gently. Seungjoon freezes for a second.

Pulling back reluctantly he says, “Isn’t this quite blasphemous?” 

Hyojin blinks slowly. “No, I don’t think they mind.” He laughs at him. 

Seungjoon isn’t sure what to say so he just kisses him again.

Like two guilty teenagers they left with their clothes covered in mud feeling giddy. 

Seungjoon can’t stop thinking about it. His blood pumped and his heart raced for the first time in forever as if he were living as a walking zombie this whole time. It was not normal to kiss someone after only a week of knowing each other, and that was a loose knowing because of course Hyojin was still like a stranger still. It wasn’t like he’d disliked it. What were their feelings for each other supposed to be? Seungjoon doesn’t want to say anything because what if it was just a heat of the moment thing? Hyojin didn’t seem like the open ending sort of person though and he surely was not either. But, it was just a kiss and maybe that’s all it was. He was overthinking it all. Yet on Friday as he watched Hyojin leave without a word of it, his heart ached. 

Hyojin laughs and smiles the same as he did before but the painful stares at his back when he’d turn away weren't subtle at all. It made his lungs hurt as he took a breath trying to bring in air to speak, to live. He couldn’t allow himself to fall into despair over it. Not, now. What a terrible time to suddenly have all these emotions come back to him. Like a crying storm.   
  
  



	4. The Killing Moon

Sometimes it felt as if the sun were glaring down on earth. Evil at its core Seungjoon would not act surprised if his body caught fire. In this moment his life ahead of him seemed hopeless, everything was hopeless. So, turning to ash was not a scary thought. Except he never usually stood in the sun in fact he hid from its light. Turning into the darkness, he was afraid. A backwards way of living to fear the known instead of the unknown. Now it was like an unknown path was stretching before him. And for the first time darkness was scary.

He wanted to bask in light and run from darkness because the light felt so good. A taste of that golden bliss he drinks it in. Oh so sweet it is. 

On this day it could be, arguably, like a holiday of some sort. For the first time in a year Seungjoon had walked outside without that black umbrella shadowing his figure. In a rush to leave he actually had forgotten it. That's what he told the owner of the flower shop anyways and it was true. Except it was not apparent he’d done it until they’d asked. Even more fascinating was he felt no need to have it or panic without it.

What was causing this change? Was it not so obvious that he had to say it?

It was like he was an imposter in his own body today. Twice had he spilled coffee on his desk. He misplaced folders and even forgot a client was coming in. This might seem like average forgetfulness but that can never be the case. Seungjoon  _ didn’t _ forget things, especially if they affected work. Through it all he quickly tried to fix his mess and keep control but it was like one thing after another. On days like that that were so busy his bones would ache at nightfall. His mind is plagued with lines and funeral dressings in his dreams. Then there was Hyojin who was ever helpful and who he learned disliked coffee. Admittedly Seungjoon spent almost twenty minutes pondering over that because, ‘how could he not? Coffee is a blackened life support. Well he seems like the type to enjoy tea really that suits him. It's a more classy beverage right? Maybe he should get some for him...?’ Just like that his mind wanders again. He did not think Hyojin was a distraction in all of this but, it was his own fault. That afternoon was a memory that cannot be changed. He knows that Hyojin thinks of it too. From his stares that are intense with heat. With his standing too close and pulling away. Seungjoon doesn’t understand why he’s acting so distant. That is what’s driving him mad the most. Were they now in some sick cat and mouse game? 

On the wall the phone rings. He answers it. 

“How are you?” they say.

His grip tightens.

“You don’t have to try and be friendly. What have you called for?”

“I need you to come by the house.”

“What for?”

“Do you need to ask? Come because i’ve told you too!”

“Yes...ok father.”

Seungjoon hangs up and let’s out a breath. His lungs feel like they’re on fire. Calling him in was not a good sign most likely. Today was not a day where he was supposed to go. His father never broke a routine. Embarrassed, he clutches his chest. Though he wasn’t here Seungjoon felt like his struggle was obvious. To speak honestly, this past few days he was becoming forgetful, not just today. Today was just the glass overflowing and pouring over.

Hyojin comes near him, cautious. 

“Shall I close up for you?” 

“No, no. I’ve got it.”

“Well, I’ll take my leave then...”

“Don’t! I mean. You should come too, seeing as it’s probably a business issue.” 

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. That’s overstepping in my position.”

“Will you go just because I want you to accompany me then?”

He knows that he sounds desperate but he can’t help to act selfish again. To his surprise, Hyojin smiles. One of mischief and amusement, that he hasn’t seen in what feels like forever. 

“What game are you playing here?”

“None, I swear.”

“I’ll go...but handle your own affairs. Sometimes you make me feel more like an assistant.”

Hyojin walks towards the door. Seungjoon wants to ask him if that is really true because if so, he feels guilt. But instead he closes off his mind for once. Leaning into a playful aura wanting to keep it even just a little bit longer. His eyes travel up Hyojin’s body to his face. Hand on the doorframe and red clouding his vision Hyojin turns his head to smile, or rather smirk at him. Just like always he rushes to leave without sparing another word leaving Seungjoon enchanted. 

That enchantment slowly wears away as they sit side by side in the carriage. They’re sitting as far as possible apart. Hyojin pressed against the door looking out into the gloomy streets. Seungjoon understands his lifelessness. The passage to his family's estate was like a journey through hell. Intentionally secluded off it was like a haunted mansion. A home that sucks you dry and leaves you lifeless. As the wheels slow down and come to a stop his body turns cold as ice. Through the curtains he can see  _ him _ , standing there, waiting for him. A fearful image of a small child awaiting his punishment runs through his head. Of course that child was himself. And he’d rather not think about it right now. So, Seungjoon simply fixes his tie and steps down to the gravel. His feet crunching against it. Hyojin comes around the side of the cart and pats his shoulder. 

“Wait here.” Seungjoon whispers. 

Each step he takes he tries to build up confidence in stride. As the features of his father become more clear to him there doesn’t seem to be any hate in his expression or even anger. Though he was not always that expressive to begin with. Just a gaze so strong that could turn a man to stone. He then wonders too where his mother had gone and why she was not standing with him. Staring before him they don’t move for a second before taking each other's hands and shaking.

“I should tell you now, that your mother is not well.”

Seungjoon breath stops.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“It’s not certain if it is serious or not but she’s been ill for a while now.”

“Why have you not told me sooner?”

“You don’t come around so why should I spare my words on you? I’m telling you now because it has gotten worse. Be thankful.”

His fists clench, shaking.

“Don’t act like I am distant for no reason.”

Silence. It becomes so loud. They stand there not moving and not saying anything. Time feels like it’s dragging on for a lifetime. He won’t run this time, no not ever again will he be a coward. Especially not showing that weak heartedness to this man. Seungjoon turns on his heel and walks back over to the carriage. With his hand he motions for Hyojin to follow this time. Coming back up to the gate his father’s expression changes.

“Why have you brung a guest?”

“He works in the directory.”

“Without permission? How so?”

“My name is on the papers I don’t have to ask.”

His father looks away and leaves them. The butlers guide them into the house.

  
  


“Young master we’ve been told that this person cannot enter the main house.”

Seungjoon sighs, not feeling like arguing. “Fine, but watch over him.”

The butler bows to him and takes Hyojin to another room. 

Walking up the stairs to the bedroom his hand slides against the smooth wood. Pushing it he’s not sure what to expect. His mother is sitting and though there is a IV in her arm she looks fine. Even happy to see him. Kneeling at her side on the floor he holds her hand. She doesn't speak or even look down at him. Gaze fixed at the window he can tell she’s deep in thought. 

“Do not fear for me.”

“I know mother. But how can you be sure you’ll be alright?”

“There is a time when everyone must go. I know it’s not mine quite yet.”

Always since he was a child had his mother spoken like that. As if she knew things nobody else did. But, if she asked him not to worry he wouldn’t. 

“There is still much work you must get done. We’re counting on you. There’s no time to waste.””

“I know mother.”

She nods her head at him and he pats her hand standing up. Out in the hall he runs into the doctor. He passes by him before calling out to him. 

“Will she really be ok?”

“As long as she takes care of herself, she’ll be fine.”

“Do you know what’s wrong with her?”

“I cannot tell you.”

Seungjoon wants to ask ‘Why?’ But he doesn’t he just lets the man walk away. Seungjoon feels like screaming and crying out. Darkness was following him no matter what he did. It felt like he was losing control of things. Without his trade what did he have? His mother was also right. He couldn’t let himself fail. For the first time though, doubt was in the back of his mind. He pushes it down. 

Trailing down the stairs, Seungjoon wanders into their living room. 

“You’ve finished your talk.” his father asks.

He nods his head.

“Why won’t you allow me to know her disease?” He urges.

“You have no time for distraction.” 

Seungjoon can’t bring himself to speak. Feeling drained of all of this. He wants to take his leave. But he just stands, listening. 

“People in town have told me you’re acting strangely. Don’t let me hear of it again. As well, you need to get rid of that man”

His response is immediate, “I will not.”

That seems to shock his father more than he expected. His face turns in disgust.

“Your performance is already dropping from what I see. Not only that but you’re acting strangely. Are the two f you having some kind of affairs together? You don’t know him well I can tell. Then you bring him to our house dressed in such a manner? Am I a fool to you? I hope you do not intend to forget our agreement? 

“I have not forgotten but I am an adult. Why am I not allowed to have help? I cannot do it all alone you know? You did not.”

“You are so incompetent you need the help of what? A whore?”

“Do not ever speak of him that way. If you continue to push me away you know I will never return here. I have no trouble doing that.”

They stare at each other and the room feels tense. Seungjoon feels like he might even hit him and he can’t imagine what he’ll do if that happens. How dare he judge what Seungjoon does. He doesn’t even know him. And to speak about a stranger that way? He rarely ever felt actual anger towards his father but right now rage was burning. He walks past Seungjoon then and behind him he feels him pause.

“So be it. But don’t let your childish behavior affect your  _ mother _ .”

He leaves Seungjoon standing in the middle of their carpet. Not able to stop himself anymore he rubs at his neck trying to calm himself. He needs to find Hyojin so they can leave this place.

Like he could hear his thoughts. Hyojin is there. Red peeks from the side of a wall, obvious as can be. Hyojin comes out from behind it.

“How did you get over here alone?”

“I followed you,” is all Hyojin says and he doesn’t think he’ll get more.

“So you heard?”

Hyojin’s voice shakes like he might cry. “I did. I’m so very sorry I shouldn’t have come.”

Seungjoon’s heart is being torn in two. He can feel. That hole, deep and empty has become filled with something. Hyojin turns to leave. Where will he go? Seungjoon can’t let him disappear, not this time. His hand reaches out with desperation but he doesn’t care. His fingers tighten around Hyojin’s wrist holding like if he lets go the world will shatter. 

“Stay.” he pleads. 

Hyojin’s face is downcast. What a ghostly sight to see. Sadness, embarrassment; bitter and sour. 

“He’s right though, I shouldn’t be here. Seungjoon i’m....I shouldn’t be here. You don’t know  _ me…I’ve lied—“  _ Hyojin’s voice cracks.

“l trust you.” 

Their eyes meet and a frenzy is swirling inside Hyojin’s mind, he can see it. Seungjoon does mean every word he says. He trusts him. If it was foolish, then he’d take the consequences because all he wanted now was to be close to him.

Hyojin whispers, “What?” 

For a person whose personality was big. Slowly Seungjoon pulls their bodies together. 

“I have never. Felt so much so quickly. My head feels dizzy because it’s all moving so quickly and I’m off balance...It’s all because of you and I want to have it all...if you’ll let me. With you here...the cosmos aligns. Please don’t go, I beg of you.”

Seungjoon kisses his blushed fingers. They tremble a bit. 

“...Fine.” is all Hyojin musters. 

His face still looks upset and covered in doubt. 

He thinks to himself of how he can be the solace this time. 

“There is a place I'm sure you’d like to see.”

  
  


They wander around the outside building through the shadows sticking close. Seungjoon makes sure not to let go of Hyojin. He brings him into the back of the house to a high gate. Curiosity crosses over Hyojin’s face and he gives me a reassuring look. He opens the gate taking him into a large garden. This was a place that he often would go to. If we were to say he had an interest in anything really it’s be flowers. He hears Hyojin gasp and his hand slips from his. He stands in the middle of everything turning around. He walks along the walls of greenery and drags his hand across the roses. Seungjoon follows him. Hyojin turns to him and smiles wide. 

“They’re so pretty. I wish I had a garden like this…”

“I would tell you that you can visit anytime you want but…”

“Yes, thank you for bringing me here even now.” 

Seungjoon stands and watches as Hyojin carefully takes each kind of flora in his hands and praises them as if they are the most important things in the world. 

Hyojin sits upon a glass bench under an arch looking contempt. 

“The moon looks so pretty over here.”

It’s so clear.”

Hyojin’s head is turned up in the sky. His face is painted by moonlight. In that moment an idea works its way into his mind. He comes closer and looks up as well. It really does look pretty. Taking Hyojin’s hand he pulls him off the bench.

“Dance with me Hyojin.”

Hyojin looks at him with his eyebrow raised in amusement but he doesn’t decline. 

Seungjoon did not think of himself as a romantic spirit more like someone who was very clumsy at love. Yet here he was dancing in his parents rose garden in the middle of the night. Although no music is playing, a rhythm passes between them. In the light casted on Hyojin’s face he wanted to live here, swallowed up by the moon. Hands intertwined with the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. Swaying and turning so softly rocking his soul into a calm state. Bodies sharing heat on a cold night. Roses overgrown as their vines wind and twist around them. And as Hyojin’s arms slide down and wrap around his waist and they wrap up in each other Seungjoon’s heart beats.    



	5. Velvet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two are starting to grow closer but really that means they are growing apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is some sexual content at the end of this chapter fyi !!

A day of solitude, of rest, of seclusion. That was all he yearned for. A release of the tensions running inside of him. It stung making him sick, venom in his bloodstream. Only no cure awaited him. It’s left to fester and ultimately leave him dead on his own desk. Where he’d then likely have his body taken to a fiery grave that’ll collect his ashes. Seungjoon thought that didn’t sound all too bad honestly. He was swamped with the directory recently. Ads had been put out (per his father’s request.) Seungjoon found it quite distasteful. It made him seem incompetent to bring in business. This was in fact a local business and expansion was never something he foresaw. Though not a bad thing, it should grow naturally with popularity. Something he’d hoped to achieve on his own. He felt it was happening now out of spite. For the words they shared. Though this didn’t only affect him, and his family would never jeopardize the business. Never for petty disputes especially with him. Never that. 

Moving outside of their immediate area was increasingly starting to become more difficult. A request had been made that he couldn’t decline. All they needed to do now was to get three coffins and move them into a truck. ‘They,’ being he and a few other men. Who also had to be hired for things like this. 

His mind was occupied still. Feelings of a happiness unknown to he.

This time that fiery red aura was burning strong and hot. The taste of Hyojin’s mouth was still plaguing his thoughts and the touch of their skin was lingering. 

Seungjoon was falling. He found Hyojin so very alluring. From the day they met there was like a pull, an imaginary force that screamed out to him. It could only be but one thing but he didn’t want to say those words, no he  _ couldn’t _ say them. All he knows is that he wants him. A tempting siren he was drawing him in. After their one moment beneath the stars it didn’t fare awkwardly but just more desire. Seungjoon was making sure to put forth his best efforts so he wouldn’t have to let Hyojin go. Any dent in proficiency would leave them both put out. Seungjoon wondered too where Hyojin had come from. Perhaps he would finally say more about himself as they grew closer. He hoped for it.

  
  


The casket is laid out, polished, and ready to go. It’s quite a pretty one, obviously custom. The family it’s going to must be rich and the crest on top tells it’s northern. He feels relieved at least that he doesn’t have to see it on it’s way there. In this last decade Seungjoon hadn’t left outside this area. There was no need to. That was becoming less and less true however and it sucked up any confidence he’s built up recently. To not think of it was a better judgment. Since it wasn’t true,  _ yet _ . 

As the men begin to lift the casket from its spot, Seungjoon walks and examines some of the new pieces that’ve been displayed. One on the floor catches his eye. A dark black coffin. The shop owner truly had a talent. He was much more of a recluse than Seungjoon himself, so they rarely met in person. His eyes strain to catch every crevice, every detail. ‘Hyojin would appreciate the artistry here,’ he thinks.

Peering out the wide glass windows the sun is setting. Blue and orange mingles together, it’s quite gorgeous when the sky is clear like today. His eyes follow as the movers travel away down the cobblestone streets. Silence. A loneliness washes over him. Seungjoon had been waiting for Hyojin to arrive. It was odd that he wasn’t there, everything had been fine. So, he wasn’t avoiding him, no not at all. Speak of the devil and he shall come he assumed because then the door opens, cold wind rushing in. Seungjoon smiles but Hyojin is not. 

“Are you alright?” he asks.

Hyojin looks up at him seeming annoyed. Seungjoon fidgets with guilt but he’s not sure what to be guilty for.

“I’m sorry.”

Hyojin sighs “Do you know  _ why _ you should be apologizing?”

He shakes his head no.

Stepping closer to him Hyojin plays with his vest. Seungjoon eyes him and he is dressed well. Always is, but it seems different, more like something you’d wear to get a specific kind of attention. His hair is as striking as ever looking styled and fine as silk. It’s rare for him to wear black Seungjoon has come to realize but here he is clad in it. An oddly designed shirt you would never see a young man around here wear. Its neckline decorated in delicate ruffles is slightly open. His pants fit him well with simple dress pants. His eyes really are what draws him in. Appearing to be more intoxicatingly sly. Seungjoon goes to touch him too but Hyojin steps back. 

Realization sets in. They were supposed to go out today. Seungjoon feels idiotic.

“Hyojin I apologize truly.”

“I guess you realized your error then?”

“Yes, how could I forget such an invitation?”

The question rhetorical Hyojin raises his eyebrow at him. Stepping back in his space Hyojin smiles.

“I cannot be angry. It is a stressful time for you I know. I had hoped to relieve you of that stress...and get to know you better...”

Seungjoon hates himself more in this moment than ever before.

“No worry. We have time. Now why don’t you show me what’s new here hm?”

Seungjoon feels confused.

“Are you sure? Why?”

“I wonder if you lost that brain of yours in this process too. You know. I too have a love for these things that’s my purpose,  _ sir _ .”

He stutters out, “Right, oh of course.” Laughing to try and mask embarrassment. 

Seungjoon holds out his hand and Hyojin takes it looking amused. He walks him around and lets him gawk in silence. One such beauty all on its own towards the back lies in wait. His reaction to Seungjoon is quite curious. He tugs on his hand and Hyojin follows. He watches Hyojin’s eyes go wide as they come closer.

Immediately Hyojin lets him go and drops to his knees dragging his hands over it. 

“Seungjoon...did you make this?”

“I wish I were that talented to craft such a thing.”

“I love it.”

“I thought you would.”

“Can I open it?”

“Sure.”

Hyojin gently lifts the lid. He gasps. The inside is covered in deep purple fabric. Definitely this was not cheap to make. A rather unique interior who could it be for?

Hyojin looks back at him. Something is stirring in that mind of his. Hyojin lays inside of the coffin and Seungjoon feels frozen. It doesn’t register what he’s done for a second but his eyes go wide.

“Ah. What are you doing? I’m not sure you...”

His words cut off as Hyojin’s eyes are lowered, mouth hanging open slightly. 

“I would look quite nice in this wouldn’t I?” 

Again he asks strange questions but Seungjoon nods. It’s true he is. Would it be disrespectful to think whoever will take this place is put to shame by Hyojin? How radiant he is. 

Hyojin motions for him to come closer. Seungjoon hesitates but gets down before him. Hyojin takes his hand and removes one of his gloves slowly. It makes him feel exposed in a weird way. But, he doesn’t grab it when Hyojin moves it away. 

His hand is pulled forward pausing before he can feel skin. It is tantalizing and terrifying to him. He is scared to do it yet it is so easy to do. Hyojin is inviting him to. Hyojin tilts his head looking forward gently. 

“Touch me.”

Seungjoon feels stuck. “Where?” he whispers.

Seungjoon’s hand is drawn up to the neck, his fingers shake. It’s all so overwhelming. 

“Here...,” Hyojin says coyly, “or maybe here?”

Hyojin forces his hand, sliding up to his cheek. 

“Oh,” is all he can say like a fool.

Hyojin’s eyes close completely.

“Or. You could try somewhere else?”

Seungjoon is not sure if he’s implying what he thinks he is. 

_ ‘This isn’t right.’  _

Seungjoon slips inside having to basically sit on top of Hyojin, knees trapping him in. It wasn’t made for holding two people but it’s surprisingly big enough for this. Seungjoon caresses Hyojin’s face again and his body is completely relaxed when he himself feels so nervous. He opens his eyes and stares Seungjoon down. 

Hyojin slides his hands up thighs.

_ ‘This is wrong.’  _ Was he seriously about to defile this place like this? 

As Hyojin unzips his pants Seungjoon wants to fight this down. Because he wants this. Wants Hyojin wherever he can have him. And they have met or shared intimacy in all of the most unique places already. What’s one more time going to hurt? Truly this wasn’t just a weird place but a sacred place. Yet, so was the graveyard and so was the garden. This was un-comparable, maybe. He didn’t care.

Hyojin unzips his pants nice and slow. Seungjoon’s legs burn and his knees hurt. Without realizing he’s been hovering a bit, he lets go and sits on Hyojin’s thighs. Hyojin sighs through his nose. His hand slips into his opened  slacks and teases the outline of his dick. He grabs it and strokes him through the fabric gently. Seungjoon’s eyes watch his movements and feels everything. Arousal cuts deep as a thumb runs over the head. It was truly a long time since he’s shared heat like this, it feels like he’ll come just from this. The tight grip and slow jerky pace. Seungjoon’s head is spinning. Trying to calm his beating heart he looks up at Hyojin’s face. Seungjoon feels like he should do something with his hands, anything. He holds Hyojin’s face and it feels cold even with everything happening and it scares him because Seungjoon feels hot to the point he could pass out. ‘Has Hyojin alway been that cold?’ 

“Let me touch you as well.”

Hyojin nods but doesn’t speak. His eyes are unfocused and his face is flushed but he’s not sure if that’s a natural occurrence. He does know that it's pretty. With his other hand Hyojin unbuttons his pants and he’s already hard as well as not wearing anything underneath his pants and Seungjoon feels like that was intended for another reason. 

Seungjoon pulls his own underwear down more pushing away Hyojin’s hands and wraps his hand around both of their dicks or tries to hold onto both of them. Hyojin makes a noise of surprise and stares at him with sharp eyes. His fingers barely touch his arm, and runs down it leaving goosebumps behind. He places them on his and coaxes Seungjoon to move his hands. The friction is sort of awkward and weird but it still doesn’t bother him. Seungjoon tries to move his hand in a way that will feel nice enough. He can feel every part against him and it’s amazing. 

Hyojin’s fingers twitch on top of his, and he cums between them. Seungjoon can’t help but stare at it as it coats his hand. It happens so fast and that in a sick way to think maybe is not surprising. He wants to slow down but that might not be the best thing to think about now. Underneath him he can feel Hyojin’s thigh tense trying to find stability. He doesn’t stop his hand though and Hyojin whines. Seungjoon tightens his grip and Hyojin pushes away Seungjoon’s hand shaking his head.

Seungjoon sits up straight again and licks at his lips tasting the salty residue of sweat. He stares down at Hyojin’s face and touches himself. It must make Hyojin feel shy because he covers his face with his arm a bit and watches with wide eyes. He squirms a bit and Seungjoon groans. The sweat is making his shirt stick to his abdomen and the sound of their breathing is all he can hear. He cums and holds his hands trying to make sure not to make a mess. He lifts his hand carefully and wipes it on his shirt. He can worry over that at a later time. 

Seungjoon leans down to kiss Hyojin, moving his arm out of the way. He kisses him on the lips and sucks on his bottom lip. Pulling away he kisses the tantalizing skin peeking out of the v in his shirt. Hyojin sighs a pleased noise. His hand reaches out to steady himself and suddenly there's the deafening sound of wooden impact echoing across the room. Sitting upright he pushes open the top of the coffin open again and stares down feeling slightly embarrassed. The small pain on the back of his head snapping him back into the reality of what he was doing. Hyojin laughs then and it sounds so sweet and angelic. He’d given him passing snickers and chuckles usually dripping with tease but this was a laugh of joy. Though it was at his expense it made him want to never leave this spot. Seungjoon stumbles out and stands flat on his feet. Reaching out his hand, Hyojin rises up from the coffin and his hair is messy, falling into his eyes. Seungjoon really wants to kiss him again. Hyojin stands up with ease and Seungjoon wonders if perhaps he is a vampire. 'That would explain a lot,' He shakes his head at the thought, feeling silly.

“What are you making that expression for?” Hyojin asks.

“Nothing.”

“Did you not enjoy yourself?” 

Hyojin is teasing him but he doesn't know if he should really answer.

“Well,  _ I _ quite enjoyed it but I think you still owe me more, next time...” 

Hyojin holds his glove out to him and Seungjoon takes it, smiling and pocketing it. Taking Hyojin’s hand into his, he lets himself be walked to the door. His chest tightens with happiness? No, more than that. What exactly is this feeling? 

_ ‘I love him.’ _

Those words sound so easy bouncing around in his head and not spoken from his mouth. He wants to tell him. 

_ How  _ can he tell him?    
  
  


  
  



	6. It Gets More Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyojin & Seungjoon go on a date among other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the sickening sweetness of this character and the appearance of a new character. the harbinger of the end to the story has come through.

Hyojin was, as ever and always, an unpredictable force. Strong storms, bending and melding the fabric of time. They tear apart towns only needing one day. It could be, in theory, something that is needed for the changing of history. A new beginning is made throughout the chaos. Hyojin was his storm with strong winds and hailing rain. He, was indeed less terrifying than a large wave washing away everything. Wishful thinking, also a new thing Seungjoon has. He wants things to work. Wants them to work. Even through rain and signs of destruction. The nimbus clouds will always fade, that’s what Seungjoon believes.

More than cold bodies on medical tables and spilled guts. Or even dressed up corpses and crying loved ones. None of it was hard to deal with for it is routine. It’s something that Seungjoon can well predict. A predetermined outcome and a familiarity to the task. Around town he was to call on for matter of the dead. That much is true that his job was done with care. Much like death himself he saw those into their graves. Through all of those thing that sometimes left him dizzy on his feet. Or, had him frozen in fits if shock nothing was harder than this. Dating, or more specifically a date itself. He and Hyojin only spent time together during work hours. Though in many times they spent on the job ended in shy embraces. Sometimes less shy than others. 

Hyojin finds it most amusing to kiss him anywhere when his guard is down. Just like yesterday as the climbed the attic stairs. The candle blew out, and as Seungjoon searched for a match Hyojin kissed him in the dark. Like nothing happened just then, Hyojin relit the candle and led him by hand back down the stairs. Seungjoon is for sure, smitten. Even more than just a quick attraction, he’s begun to think they’ve known each other before. Hyojin opens up to him more as days pass. His appearance is much like a big red question mark. Seungjoon is not trying to pry however. Every piece Hyojin chooses to share is enough. He only wants to be close to him. 

Still weighs the matter of ‘the date.’ After that one, embarrassing, night Seungjoon promised to repay Hyojin. It worries his mind because he’s not sure what to do. Romance is a foreign subject to him. This is the ever pressured courtship his parents brought up on occasion. Hyojin has made no qualms either about where he’d like to go. Though it probably won’t matter much. Seungjoon for once in his bleak 25 years wants to pursue someone. How strange one changes over night. 

Seungjoon is lost, so very lost. Crossing his arms on his desk he lays his head into them groaning. Having a second head would be less weird than this.

“Are you alright,” a soft voice whispers in his ear. 

Seungjoon groans in response. Muffled and distraught. Even without seeing his face, he knows Hyojin is smiling. He was always amused by the simplest things. A positive man by nature. His hands slip around Seungjoon’s waist, he lays his head against his back.

“Tell me sir...what troubles you today? Did someone finally jump off the operating table and walk around? Or no, I know. Someone worried you over flower replacements at the last minute again?”

His tone, playful and sweet. Seungjoon feels silly to be this worked up over something like this. He’s hopeless. Sitting up slowly Hyojin let’s him go. Around he turns on his stool to face him. 

“Afternoon Hyojin.”

“Afternoon boss!”

“You’re still not calling me by my name?” “Well I like it. You’re my boss after all it’d be inappropriate.”

“More inappropriate than kissing your boss in the workplace I presume?”

Hyojin stares down at him with an expression akin to mischief. He loves it so much. Placing his hands on the table, Hyojin leans down to his face.

“Yes. I guess it is...but you’re my superior.”

Seungjoon places his hand on Hyojin’s waist edging him closer.

“You’ve caught me it’s true. I like kissing you, does that make me irresponsible?” 

Hyojin blushes smiling so gently. Seungjoon thinks looking at him like this, his heart could stop. Many times it feels as though Hyojin isn’t human at all. An otherworldly sight. 

“No...I don’t think it does...” he finally says. 

Hyojin stands up straight adjusting the sleeves of his shirt. A nervous habit he’s noticed he has. Even those like himself would have reasons to be nervous he guessed. 

“Are you feeling shy,” he teases.

“My, since when have you become this way? Not only a month ago you were so jittery. Now you’re much like a heathen.”

“If anyone caused it, it’s you. I’m still the same. To speak honestly. I’m just. Happier.”

Seungjoon feels embarrassed by his words suddenly. He really was happy. If this is what happiness is. Only did it feel strong when Hyojin occupied his being. He was definitely in love. 

A lingering fear came along with that realization and it was, if Hyojin loved him back. To think of him being the object of someone’s affection especially someone like Hyojin. It’s absurd to think about. 

Hyojin turns his head back to him and his thoughts are clearly turning in his head. With no hesitation, he sits on Seungjoon’s lap. Hugging him.

“I am glad that you are happy. I wish we could stay this way forever.”

More and more. Hyojin says worrying things like that. 

“My selfishness...is it so wrong to be near you? Tell me Seungjoon...”

He’s not sure how to answer hearing words like this but he always tries. 

“It’s not wrong. If you are selfish than so I am. We take from each other do we not?”

“Mm...I guess that’s true.” 

Sadnesses hangs off each word. Seungjoon’s heart clenches.

“Tomorrow. We are closed. So. Well. Hm,” Seungjoon sighs at his inability to speak. “Tomorrow, let’s go on an outing.”

Hyojin lifts his head up from his shoulder. Many emotions pass over his face and Seungjoon feels like he might actually be rejected. But Hyojin stands up and leaves down the hall without a word. Seungjoon throws his head back. Confused. That’s how he feels. ‘Hopefully, that was a yes.’ 

  
  


Before they part for the night Hyojin insists on setting their time of meet. Seungjoon begrudgingly agrees to meet here again around four in the afternoon. He leaves in a haste. More than Seungjoon himself he was obviously very excited. Now, Seungjoon wanted to do it of course. Only, he said that just to make Hyojin happy in that moment. Still, Seungjoon has no idea what to do or where to take him. 

‘What will I do.’

Walking along the wet street, he hold his umbrella high. Deep in thought Seungjoon let’s his body carry him anywhere. He runs in to something firm falling to the ground. A hand frantically reaches down for him and he takes it. Standing he wipes off his coat. ‘This must be a bad omen already.’ he thinks.

Looking to see who the owner of the hand is Seungjoon tenses up. An unexpected face for sure. 

“I see your head is still in that umbrella of yours,” they say.

“I’m sorry for running into you.”

“It’s no problem! Why don’t you help me take these flowers in as repayment.”

Seungjoon nods grabbing a handful of wrapped daises from the other. 

  
  


For quite some time he hasn’t been inside the flower shop. It looks the same as always though there’s a few changes. That’s only to be expected. Nothing changes around this place much. Not a bad thing or a good one. Just, ok. What’s more surprising is to see that face back in town. Minkyun, the son of the flower shop owners lived and breathed the lifestyle. A few years ago he went to start his own shop. Things were going fine so Seungjoon does wonder why he’s back. If anyone was a friend it’s him. The better word would be acquaintance but Minkyun was stubborn. So, he calls him a friend. 

Seungjoon helps him to sit some things down. He wants to live soon before Minkyun talks his head off. 

“Well if that’s everything...”

“You’re trying to leave so soon I know it. I know you well Seungjoon! You are the same as when I left. Except maybe the air around you is different.”

Seungjoon raises an eyebrow. He’s caught already.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s troubling you. An old friends reunion.”

“I really should be leaving.”

“I’m hurt you are as rude as ever. You seem to be nice to that red haired man.”

“You saw us?”

“How could I not! Ive been here a few days actually. Now look. You’ve gotten a real friend while I was away!”

Seungjoon can only describe Minkyun’s personality as burdensome. A good person but very overwhelming. He never could deal with him properly. It wouldn’t hurt to confide in him. He’d never get home either way.

“Well. If I may ask. Where is a good place to take someone.”

“It depends on what this someone means to you.”

Minkyun gives him a knowing glance and Seungjoon wants to hide from his gaze. They were like a cat and mouse. Just like in the past. 

“Please just answer seriously.”

“Alright I understand! I am a romantic. You know I cam back to chase my own love...ah I’m boring you, I see it on your face! Fine. The park.”

“The...park?”

“Of course. It may seem like not much but around here, it’s a lot. Many memories can be made in a park. Ours is none shorter of a interesting place!”

Seungjoon turns the idea over in his head. Hyojin would probably enjoy it. His own ideas were little to nothing after all. 

“Alright. I’ll take him there.”

“Him?! So it is that red haired man! You know I think i’ve met him before...can’t remember his name but, Changyoon mentioned him. Are you close?”

As Minkyun speaks Seungjoon moves towards the doors. Exasperatedly he opens it and look back. Minkyun smirks at him again. 

“Goodnight,” Seungjoon says.

“Goodnight,” Minkyun sings. 

  
  


What we wear is most important to how we’re seen. Everyday Seungjoon’s wardrobe is black from head to toe. A few white pieces are thrown in but most days it’s only black. It fits into his job title sure but that’s mostly his preference. Black was virtually perfect and it is also comforting. It’s not that his wardrobe is devoid of color it’s just all hidden. There’s no reason to stop now but, Seungjoon feels it’s appreciated maybe? He doesn’t know. The hours tick by and he stares at his closet. Hyojin doesn’t seem to mind his choice of clothing. All suit jackets and button ups. But this was a day to be different, to show another side. Or was this all just a push added by stress? 

Seungjoon would make this work. Just like everything else. Sliding on a white shirt, he slips a murky green colored sweater vest over top. It’s patterned with black stitching. He’s never worn it and he’s also not sure when he got it. He’s thankful to his past self. On routine he slides his black gloves underneath tucking them flat under his sleeves. The rest of his outfit is black as usual. Except his coat which is more of a gray, slate to be exact. He even pulled out his cufflinks which were designed in his families crest. With his hair styled the way it is, he feels like a proper bachelor. It’s ridiculous. There’s no time to change though, he must leave. Recently he doesn’t carry his umbrella opened. Still he takes it along with him just in case some days. There was an attachment to it much like his gloves. He didn’t use them as a way to hide, that much has changed. 

Standing outside of the building, Seungjoon feels like hiding now though. It’s as if everyone is watching. The streets are not that active but still, Seungjoon is sure. If Minkyun could notice so much in those few days, what was everyone else thinking? 

Hyojin appears in the distance and Seungjoon fidgets. Walking up to him he holds a basket. Dragging his eyes over him, Hyojin is as pretty as ever. If clothing told others things about yourself, Hyojin was making it loud and clear he was unique. He was never afraid of standing out. 

Seungjoon has begun to think that Hyojin does many things purposely. To spur him on. Today, his hair is neatly placed on his head in that muddled way Seungjoon likes so much. His collared shirt is high a black ribbon adorning it. It’s tied like a bow hanging against his chest. He’s dressed smartly like a young scholar. It’s strange to see him in clothes like this but they’re still different. Only he would wear lace gloves with an entire like this. They compliment each other. 

“You look handsome today,” Hyojin muses.

“Speak for yourself.”

Hyojin laughs, hooking their arms. 

“Really I took a risk today but if you like it then I must be stunning.”

“You always are.”

“Don’t try and woo me just yet. We have a whole evening.”

“Hopefully I don’t disappoint.”

“You won’t.”

They walk to the park which is located towards the outer sections of town. There’s a path leading right to it but still it’s easy to get lost. To those who’ve never been it seems far away. Seungjoon has been there many times. It was often quiet even with kids playing and people talking. Always, was a space for him to breathe. The park is large at least as a child, it felt almost magical. 

As they draw closer, Hyojin let’s go of his arm walking ahead. There are moments when Hyojin will look around at everything. Like it is his first time seeing, or perhaps as if it were his last chance to. To be so in awe of mundane things, Seungjoon doesn’t understand it. Nothing in his life changed. Everything was constant and the same. 

This, is new however. Seungjoon wants to feel the thrill that he does. Together that may be easier than if he were alone. 

Seungjoon follows behind him watching his expression. He smiles to himself. Hyojin turns back to him, quirking an eyebrow. 

“What are you staring at?”

“What have you brought along?” Seungjoon points to his hands, “There in that basket.”

“You’ll have to wait and see!”

Hyojin stops and waits for Seungjoon to reach him, taking his hand. He pulls him around. It’s peaceful as they walk. Though it’s nothing but trees and bright fauna around them, it’s nice. Not a word is spoken. Hyojin turns his head and gasps beside him. Seungjoon follows his gaze to the pond. 

“Shall we go over?” he asks.

Hyojin nods pulling him along to the edge of the water.

“This is new,” he murmurs.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing...”

Hyojin’s stare into the movement of the water. 

His mind is wandering once again, Seungjoon can tell. Hyojin points over the expanse of water.

“I’ve just never been on one of those before!” Hyojin says. 

Seungjoon follows the direction of his arm, over to the figure of a boat. He cannot believe it’s true. Though it’s trivial to himself, to Hyojin it will be all different. Exciting even. 

Seungjoon draws out, “You mean a rowboat?”

“Yes.”

“Do you...want to rent one?”

Hyojin faces him, holding his sleeves between his fingers.

“Can we?” 

Seungjoon thinks, he would give him anything he wants. So much as he asks for it. 

  
  


For many years he never allowed himself ‘luxuries’ if that’s what you would call it. Never had a reason arose again to come to this park. The innocence of childhood wonder and peace was lost. A yearning for blissful enlightenment seemed impossible. So, Seungjoon feels sort of content to ride in the rowboat. Gently they wade into the middle of the pond. There are a few people scattered around them. Seungjoon lays down the paddles and stares at the setting sun. Hyojin reaches towards his umbrella and winks at him. Opening it high above his head he holds it, posing for him. Against the embrace of skies lights, Hyojin looks so beautiful. He turns to the side holding the umbrella over his shoulder. 

“Well, how is it? Isn’t it like those paintings?” 

“It’s Beautiful...”

Hyojin turns to him smiling softly. 

“Thank you..”

Hyojin closes the umbrella laying it down against the boats floor. 

“Seungjoon...I really wish I could kiss you now...”

“Can you not?”

“No. I’m afraid we’ll fall in.”

“Then waist no time. Let’s go back.”

  
  


Darkness overcame this town with ease. The sun dropped down past the horizon lines as he rowed back. An earth with eagerness for the night. Strpping into the grass again, Hyojin leads him along. Stopping suddenly he sits his basket on the ground. Out, he pulls a blanket laying it down. Hyojin sits on it looking up at him. Seungjoon understands now. It is a picnic. He sits beside him and Hyojin begins taking things and setting them out. Seungjoon watches the sky change colors and fade. 

“Don’t you think it’s strange to have a picnic at this hour?”

“Well. Nothing we do together is free from being a bit strange.”

“That’s true.”

“Our first kiss was in a cemetery you know.”

Seungjoon remembers it well. The rain on his skin turning him numb. The contact between them. 

Hyojin takes out a jar holding it out to him. There’s cherries inside. Deep and red like the color of one’s blood. A vast difference to the red of Hyojin’s hair or the sunset. Gentle fingers pick one out holding it up. Hyojin makes a noise and moves it closer. Seungjoon smiles and takes it with his teeth. Eating the fruit from the stem. Hyojin feeds one to himself. He looks happy with each bite. 

They sit like that for a while. Hyojin making him try different fruits and eating his own. That carefree nature again. Seungjoon loves it. 

Seungjoon and Hyojin lay back onto the blanket staring up at the sky. It’s gotten dark so soon. The time now, he’s not so sure of it. He doesn’t want it to move anymore for fear the night will end too soon. Hyojin turns on his side and Seungjoon can feel his gaze. It makes his heart beat faster. 

“It seems i’ve caught you here under the moonlight again haven’t I?” Seungjoon whispers. 

“Who’s to say it isn’t me who’s caught you?”

Hyojin crawls closer to him hovering his face over his. He glows in the light of the moon. Just as he did that night. Seungjoon takes his face into his hands and Hyojin melts. His eyes closing. This display of open heartedness. It’s all for him. Seungjoon pulls his down and their lips meet. A hand rests against his chest. Their movements are somehow feeling shy. A new kind of intimacy. Hyojin presses as close as can bit. Their lips move taking each other in. Hyojin tastes sweet, like the fruit. A mix of different things. He must be the same. Seungjoon strokes the back of his and Hyojin sighs. He pulls away and lays on his shoulder. 

To kiss again or speak? Now is the time to do anything more. f

“Hyojin...”

“What is it?”

“Maybe it’s too soon to say. I do not wish to scare you away. But I know that it is true. I love you.”

Hyojin freezes. Seungjoon has never felt more scared, more paralyzed than now. He does not want Hyojin to leave him. To hate him. If he is even using him that would hurt even less. 

Sitting up, Hyojin stares down at him. Tears slide down his face. 

“Is it really how you feel?”

Seungjoon sits up and takes Hyojin’s hand in his. 

“I wouldn’t lie about it. I love you.”

Hyojin wipes his tears.

“I love you too.” 

Seungjoon isn’t sure how he should react. It feels as though he hasn’t loved in a lifetime. Everything is rushing in. Is a person to run and yell to the world? Or to cry from joy? None of those two seem befitting of him. 

So instead, he takes Hyojin’s face in his hands taking him to the ground. Again he chooses to kiss him and hold him close.


End file.
